Spirit Was Silent on Wednesday.

Spirit was silent on Wednesday. I’ve heard of this happening to other mediums. I believe it was Echo Bodine who described it as one of the loneliest feelings to have but I thought, naively, that perhaps I was safe from that loneliness. That, somehow, I was different from the other mediums who have experienced this silence. Blame it on my ego.

It’s difficult to describe how I receive messages all day without the average human thinking I belong in a mental institution. I will admit that through most of my life I feared this was the case until I accepted my destiny for being a messenger and began receiving messages of healing.

Imagine that you have a best friend you are extremely dependent on. You text message constantly throughout the day, call each other, spend every free moment with each other and cannot have a thought without also sharing it with him/her instantly. That’s what it’s like for me with spirit. I talk to my guides and with God every second of the day through my thoughts. When my friends are going through something emotional, I speak to God and ask for guidance. “How might I serve you today?” “What messages should I relay to this person to help them heal through this?” It’s a constant dialogue because I do receive answers back.

I remember my former coworker used to talk to herself constantly. I’d always think that she was talking to me before she’d explain, “No, Megan. I’m just talking out loud to myself. I’ll direct the convo to you if it’s about you.” I’d laugh and say okay but think it was a little strange. She’d tell me, “Listen, it’s okay to talk to yourself as long as you don’t start hearing answers back. Then we have a problem.” But when I began my mediumship I was telling God that I was ready for hearing answers back.

So, when my boyfriend came home from work on Wednesday and asked how my day went he looked at me with a really concerned face after I answered honestly. I said, “I know it’s not popular to say I hear voices throughout my day but as a medium I do…And today the voices stopped speaking. I felt so alone.”

As a non-believer, his eyes widened, he uncomfortably chuckled to himself and he said, “oookay.” That “okay” weighed in the air like he considered making a call for help to the outside world. “No, seriously. I hear spirit all the time every day. If I go to eat something that I don’t know has spoiled they will tell me, ’Don’t eat that, it’s bad.’ And when I eat it anyway because I’m stubborn but feel sick immediately after then they’ll respond with ‘told ya so.’ Today I heard nothing. It’s like dead air. A radio station with nothing but static on the other end and it’s the loneliest I’ve ever been. I tried to go into the Akashic Records today and they told me to eat something nourishing and come back later. So I did and they told me now wasn’t a good time.” It’s like my best friend that I’ve become super dependent on is… ironically, for lack of a better description, “ghosting” me.

A few weeks ago I hit a breaking point with my unemployment. I need money. I cannot continue relying on my boyfriend for help and all of my savings disappeared 6 months into unemployment. I called my sister that afternoon and cried to her. “I don’t understand. God told me to quit my job and begin writing my book. I quit and wrote my book. God told me to stop eating certain foods because they were toxic to me so I basically eat only fruits and vegetables now. God told me to hold off working again because I needed to focus on spirit so I held off and focused on my mediumship. God told me to begin working as a professional medium even though the concept made me uncomfortable and I did it without question. I am grateful now and see how much more fulfilling it is spiritually and emotionally but it isn’t paying my rent. I ask God for guidance for a job and he doesn’t answer. I apply to countless positions and don’t hear back from any. Every recruiter tells me my year-long gap in work is a major red flag for future employers but I spent every single day of my “unemployment” working my butt off writing, editing, writing, editing, babysitting, writing, editing, doing readings, and now I’m ready to work again but spirit is silent. They tell me to be patient but patience isn’t paying my rent!! I told everyone I have faith because I’ve had such strict faith for the last 12 months but what has it gotten me to pay my bills? I can’t do this anymore. I feel so lost.”

All of these things had been secretly swept into the dark thoughts I try not to speak of but came to the surface as I sobbed between breaths, trying to explain myself to my sister. “I don’t want to say I’ve lost faith. I love God. I have faith in Him! I do… but I have done everything He has told me to do and feel like I’m empty with nothing to show for it. I have focused so heavily on my soul and spirit that I have nothing to show for my human self."

“Meg…” She said in her calming big-sister voice, “…You always hear about those stories… The stories of people who were just about to give up on their dreams but it was right at the cusp of all their dreams coming true. Don’t give up now. Ask God for help with money. Ask God for help with guidance toward your path but do not give up now. You quit your job and did write your book, something not a lot of people would have been as determined to do. You were told to begin doing professional readings and you do feel more fulfilled now than ever before. It’s a process. Don’t be the person who gives up right before her door opens. Remember, if it doesn’t open then it’s not your door.”

If it doesn’t open then it is not your door.

If it doesn’t open then it is not your door.

If it doesn’t open then it is not your door.

I repeat this to myself every single day. Even on days where spirit is talkative and reminding me of the blessings I currently receive and will receive in the future. Every response to jobs applied that say, “Thank you for your application but we’ve gone another way” and every interview at places my heart doesn’t care for. If the door does not open then it was not my door to walk through. Period.

But Wednesday morning I woke up to dead air. The silence was so loud and lonely. It was like that rescuer in the Titanic, “Is there anybody out there?” Nope. Not Wednesday morning. Even Thursday felt like spirit was there but quiet; not speaking unless spoken to. My heart couldn’t handle the loneliness.

Friday I went to spend my day with family on the beach. I always feel more grounded in my body on a beach. I’m not a fan of bare toes on the grass, prickling my skin like little needles. No thanks. Sand, however, is exfoliating and relaxing. The sound of the waves crashing against the shore is calming. Laying down, eyes closed, sun blanketing my body, sand rolling around my fingers and toes, arms outstretched as if back-wards hugging the earth = now that is my happy place.

Going to your happy place does more than the average person realizes. It raises your vibrations so that allows higher-vibrational things to come your way. It’s like a magnet. Happy attracts happy. Maybe that’s not how real magnets work but it’s how spiritual ones work and that’s what matters to me. Going to your happy place also clears your head and space of the negative things that have accumulated in your energy. For instance, having nearly 2 full days of silence from spirit can suddenly be washed away with the waves. I felt rejuvenated leaving the beach even though there was an uncomfortable amount of sand throughout my bathing suit and commute home. It was such a gift from God.

That’s the thing. Even if you aren’t a medium and don’t hear spirit throughout your day, you can still have days where you feel extra alone. It’s important on those days to self reflect and find your happy place. It’s important to remain open to seeing the gifts that God sends your way as reminders that you are, in fact, never actually alone. He is always there with you and so are your guides, angels, Ascended Masters, ancestors, loved ones and many other spiritual entities that are all working across the veil in support of you. It’s difficult to remember that when you’re met with radio silence or the loneliness in your heart that comes with an “off-day” or even comes with depression. It’s easier said than done, especially with depression, to feel like you’re not alone. I know that. Trust me, I know that. But I hoped sharing my experience with you would help you see that we’ve all been there and we all get out of it eventually.

This afternoon I went to visit the Akashic Records for myself before doing a reading for a client. I always start the same way; pulling up the blinds all the way and looking outside at the trees for a few minutes before calming my mind of all outside stresses. Then I light candles on my windowsill and burn a leaf of sage before setting up all my stones and crystals on my desk. Today was different though. I pulled up the blinds and was met with a white pigeon staring directly at me. If a bird is on my windowsill they almost always fly away once they’re startled by the blinds moving. This was a NYC pigeon though so obviously it had no fear. It just stared at me. I knew this was a message from spirit but I couldn’t figure out what they were saying.

This bird walked back and fourth on my windowsill for about an hour, staring at me most of the time, not flinching as I gently tapped on the glass. When I was finally finished having a staring contest with it I turned to my desk to begin my process for the Akashic Records. It flew away, as if to say, “I was waiting for you to start!”

I choose to keep most of my own readings private as the messages pertain to my soul. However, I think it’s important to share this,

“The white bird was a symbol we sent to remind you we are ever-watching in support of the sacrifices you have made for Our Lord. He sees all that you are ready to do and we will be there each step of the way as you do it.

God bless you, my child.”

Even when you feel alone, lost or trapped - you are not any of those things. Even when you feel like giving up because your faith is shaken - you must remember it’s always darkest before the dawn. I was sent a symbol today that was an acknowledgement to my emotional breakdown weeks ago and to my loneliness during these days of silence. The bird did not coo, caw, or make any other bird sound. It stared at me silently.

Even in silence, spirit is there watching and guiding us all along the way. Those “lonely days” tend to be important for our own souls growth. They tend to serve as reminders to self-reflect or show ourselves extra love and care. It’s important to know spirit is always there but it’s equally important to have your own back too. Find your happiness, trust that it’s here to stay and have gratitude for your ability to find it with or without knowing that spirit guided you along the way.

In the meantime, know that I’m also here for you. Whether that is to be a reminder through my own experiences and words or to help you heal on your life path. You are never alone.

God bless you.