Waves.

I’ve had to learn to swim through a lot of different types of grief in my life. I know many people generalize it as if grief is one body of darkness but sometimes it’s lakes and rivers and sometimes it’s the ocean. When you lose someone to old age it’s like sinking into a crystal clear lake. You can see the light from the sky and the mud beneath you but that doesn’t change the fact that you feel like you’ll never swim to the surface ever again.

Losing a loved one to something traumatic like suicide, substance abuse, mental illness or murder is a different type of grief. It’s more like a rough ocean that has waves constantly crashing down on you. Every time you think you’re learning to swim to the surface- another wave hits you and you tumble against the rocks and shells that you can’t see because rough ocean is muggy and dark.

Grief hurts regardless and it can come by unexpectedly. I painted this piece last September when the anniversary of my uncles suicide hit me swiftly as I just sat on my couch in silence. Often times silence becomes the enemy that allows the dark thoughts in. We try to avoid it. We keep busy, rushing to work and through errands until it’s bedtime.

I know quarantine was not easy on many of you. Silence hung in the air forcing many to reflect on their own grief and that, with the combination of traumatic footage being shown constantly in the media, many people were forced to learn to navigate through the ocean-type grief again.

I’m writing this because I feel your pain and sadness tonight. I know you may feel like you’re far from the surface but eventually waters calm and you’ll breathe air again. In the meantime, please allow yourself to cry. There’s a reason why the ocean and our tears both have salt. It cleanses us. Allow your tears to heal you. I can’t promise you grief won’t hold a place in your heart but you’ll learn to swim through it again. You always have and you always will.

I’m here to remind you: you will get through this. Your loved ones want you to honor their memory by laughing deep, smiling hard and swimming with the current. We’re in this together. I love you ❤️🌟